The phenomenon of projection : my friend, her boyfriend, and me

After deciding on never to advice my friend on her relationship after her 5^th breakup with the same guy, I thanked god I’m not like her. My growing dislike towards her however, soon led me to realize that I’m actually just like her.

In the wise words of The Wizard Liz, “some people don’t want to be helped, they don’t change no matter how hard you try to help them”. That’s what I’ve been trying ever since my friend got into a relationship. She fails to set boundaries every single time and when it gets too overwhelming, they breakup only to be back together a few days later. And I, every single time comfort her, advising her to not repeat the mistakes only for her to end up in the same situation. When she called me the other day crying, I was so tired of repeating the same things that I didn’t even bother to say anything. Thankfully she understood and hung up. So far I may look like a bad friend, but she only calls me when she breaks up so I am not the only one here. But anyways I remembered what Liz said and went on with my life.

Only yesterday, after a week of me just lying on my bed, doing nothing, just hoping for a different tomorrow, I realized I am the same as her. After a good 3 days of productivity I fall into a deep unproductivity manhole. Every. Single. Time. And then I ask god why is my life so hard. I repeat the same mistakes of poor schedule and inconsistency. I am overly critical of every little detail and give up the moment I face an obstacle. The worst part is that I’m aware of all this but I still don’t make changes, I don’t want to be helped. I am no different from my friend.

This 3 am realization made me think about us developing a dislike towards people that have the same negative traits that we might have. Our lack of self-awareness of such traits could result in us feeling irritated about the smallest things that would rather be considered normal.

For instance, another one of my friend who always wants her bestie to be with her every time and everywhere, always makes me roll my eyes. But isn’t that normal? That’s the whole point of being besties right? Well, I wouldn’t know because I don’t have one 💀 But I do wish to have a bestie with whom I can share everything. The unfulfillment of which causes me to feel irritated, because deep down I am like that too.

This phenomenon is real and comes under psychological projection. Isn’t it so interesting that the most trivial things our mind does are connected to our underlying flaws and emotions that reveals so much about us, how we are, what we feel. However, projection is a subjective psychological phenomenon and doesn’t necessarily reflect objective reality.

So, if we have someone we dislike or have that feeling of “idk what it is but I just don’t like _”, there might be something more to it. Something we are avoiding, something that we have hidden deep down. This “self-awareness” can lead us to understanding ourselves better, making changes, and eliminating biases. It can help us in making better decisions and advancing our journey to be a monk lol. It is important to note that human behavior is complex, and there are usually multiple factors at play. Which is why exploring projection and underlying flaws or unresolved issues should be done with self-compassion and non-judgment.

See you when I have another 3am spiritual awakening, bye. J